I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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