my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
