you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
