Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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