she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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