drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
