I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
