how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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