As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
