i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
