Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
