Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
