I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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