Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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