you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
