break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
