tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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