do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
