The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
