to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
