your parents love me but you hate me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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