god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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