Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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