I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
