You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize