spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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