so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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