I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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