I will die if light touches me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
