You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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