so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
