Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
