if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we should paint friendship bongs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize