cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
