I wish I could teleport
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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