I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
