I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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