So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize