Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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