I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
