Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
