I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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