Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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