I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
