17 year olds will be the death of me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
