i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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