Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The air taste purple.
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