I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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