mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My dick has a subreddit
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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