he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
