I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
