I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
