dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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