He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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