If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
