I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
