I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
