just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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