I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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