well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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