dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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