they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
