I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
