Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
