sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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