i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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