THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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