he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
