Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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