Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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