Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
