I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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