If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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