He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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