someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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