Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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