He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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