Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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