The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
