i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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