i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
