OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
