My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
