Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
