Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
