Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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