I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
