I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
