Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
