Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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