do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
