covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize