There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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