Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
