I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
