i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
